Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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