Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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