If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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