no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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