I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
