I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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