Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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