I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
