Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
