gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize