Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
