hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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