i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
