Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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