I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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