She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
