Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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