It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
