I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
