Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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