So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
