apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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