Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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