we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
