I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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