she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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