have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
