shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't put those talents on a resume
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
