Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
