Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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