Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
