I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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