who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
