walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
