I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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