we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
