apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
