She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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