I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
