epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
