I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
