I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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