My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
