Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
