Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
