pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.