the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
