Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped