his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...