Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????