Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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