I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher