so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
