I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
