You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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