Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
