And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
