turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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