Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
