My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Couch. On fire.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize