There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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