This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
