im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
