90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
