he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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