Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
