the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
