i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
