I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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