I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
