I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
