i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
MIDGETS
????
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
