after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My vagina is officially offended.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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