I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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