i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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